I think there is a problem with me. I might be suffering from an identity crisis. The reason why I think that are my aspirations that do not match with other girls of my age. Every time I log on to Facebook, I would see girls who are showing off their same duck-faces and postures, new hair color and haircut, boundless love for ‘hubbies’ or boyfriends, etc. This is not a problem, of course. The problem is that I do not find interest in doing the same. I feel like either Facebook is too boring for me or I am too boring for Facebook. Just because I do not show off all these, it makes me feel so lonely even in the midst of ‘interesting’ crowds in Facebook.
I cannot be those girls, ever. I do not have attraction in all these things or at least in showing these off. I aspire to be a writer someday. The things that I share the most in my Facebook profile are quotes and famous sayings. I know it does not make me seem any interesting to others, but that’s who I am. I have this own world of mine that I do not like to share with others all the time. I had the opportunity to write earlier too, my articles were published in national newspaper but never did I use my real name in the articles. I do not like to flaunt my achievements. As such, many of my family and friends are unaware of my accomplishments, and it does not bother me because I write to feed my own soul, not others’.
If I ever deactivated my Facebook account, my ‘so called’ friends would never be able to find me even though I can be found all over the internet by ‘Polomi’ my nickname, known only to a few. I have these multiple accounts, Instagram, Twitter, and WordPress, all by this name so that people do not get to know all about me. They will know only as much as I would allow them to. Does that make me different from others?
Sometimes I wonder whether this is my fault that I ‘feel’ different. At least it makes me feel better when I am unable to categorize myself with other people’s characteristics. I do not want to be categorized because this would only make me feel like a typical person. I want to remain different. I am different because I rarely achieve success in my life. I am different because I do not need too many things to be happy. I am different because I have not been in love yet. I am different because I have not gone astray even though there were so many chances of it. I am different because I feel confident even after repeated failures. I am different because I lack capabilities in so many easy things like playing tennis, doing makeups, cooking, etc. I am sure that I must be very good at one thing that would make up for all the things I am bad at today. I will find that thing one day and that day I will understand the true purpose of my life.
(Photo: Collected from the Web)